Father's Day Talk

I spoke in church on Sunday ... an early Father's Day talk. For those who happen not to be Mormon, in my church, occasionally, you are asked to share thoughts with the congregation in a short sermon. I relied heavily on thought from my brother, Toby. This is what I chose to say (I always write it out, to beat the jitters):

I was asked to talk about the blessings of the Priesthood from a woman's perspective.

Men are not “the priesthood.” The priesthood is the eternal power and authority of God. Through the priesthood God created and governs the heavens and the earth. Through this power He redeems and exalts His children, bringing to pass "the immortality and eternal life of man" (Moses 1:39). The blessings of the priesthood, such as baptism, receiving the Holy Ghost, the temple endowment, and eternal marriage, are available to men and women alike. God gives priesthood authority to worthy male members of the Church so they can act in His name for the salvation of His children. Priesthood holders can be authorized to preach the gospel, administer the ordinances of salvation, and govern the kingdom of God on the earth.

-Dallin H. Oaks

In practice, men and the Priesthood have a mutually reinforcing relationship. The man in his family and the church is dependent upon the Priesthood for doctrine, ordinances, and priesthood keys. The Priesthood provides the authority and ordinances necessary to perpetuate man's relationships to the eternities.

Priesthood strengthens men, and men strengthen the Priesthood.

Manhood

It is hard to find a talk about what it means to be a man, except in relationship to others … women, children, in a family, a quorum. Why are relationship so important to being a man? Perhaps because there is no single definition except as he looks outside of himself. Like the definition of light. Light is only seen by how it reflects off an object.

Men are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.

From The Family, A Proclamation to the World:

Men are born with inherent characteristics of a the male gender. What are those characteristics? We can't generalize too much, because I know the great and wonderful variations in personality there are from one person to the next. I can tell you what it means from the examples I've had in my life.

Physical Strength

Men are generally physically stronger than women and children. This can be used for good or bad. I've seen great examples of using a man's strength to help and lift others. There are also those who would use their advantage in a negative way ... in temper, force, and manipulation.

Fortunately for me, my dad is a second cousin to Superman. One time when I was single and in college, I had to go interview a forest crew on the far side of Utah lake for a research paper… there is nothing on the far side of Utah Lake. It is 40 miles from the freeway, 100 miles from Provo, and eight miles from the nearest tiny town. Halfway up a mountain, I got a flat tire. I didn't have a spare. Irresponsible, yes. And I'm sure my dad thought so when I called him from my cell phone. He had a very busy day, he said. He had meetings at work, and classes to teach at BYU. I said Okay, I'd see what I could do on my own. Five minutes later he called back and said he had canceled it all, and was on his way. I protested, you have so much to do! His words of love will stay with me forever. “Everyone needs someone twho will drop everything to save them.” It took the whole day to get the spare, get it on, and get home. But he did it. Like I said, Superman.

Protector and Provider

My husband Jeff doesn't have to chase after a saber-tooth tiger with a club. At one time, men had to be physical protectors of their families. Where we live, it isn't so necessary anymore, but a remnant of that role is the activeness and aggressiveness of boys … as anyone who sits behind me in sacrament meeting can attest, since I have four of them. Jeff still protects us from accident, from evil, from the elements. He provides our house, our cars, pays our bills, fixes our computer, fixes flat tires, builds tree forts, mows the lawn, washes windows, and occasionally changes a diaper. These are things we could not do without. Our kids will go on missions, go to college, need monetary help as they grow. Jeff provides.

This is the ideal, it isn't what happens in every family. My mom worked outside our home, and Jeff's dad passed away when he was young. His mom was the provider for most of his life. But we both understand the benefits of this system. I love to nurture my kids the whole day in these few fleeting years when they are young. Jeff has the talent and drive to provide us with the things we use to make for us a comfortable home.

Father

In addition to being strong, being a protector and provider, a father gets to model the role of man to boys and girls. Not only does a father show his children what it means to be a man, he, along with other great role models, set the stage for a child's relationship to God, for God is our Heavenly Father, and the definition of “father” is formed at a young age.

It is strange to compare cards for Mother's Day … with their flowers and heart-felt poetry, to your typical Father's Day card … with a photo on the front of an overweight guy on a couch watching TV. This is probably more indicative of the differences in sense of humor between men and women, but I also think that the role of father is undervalued. It takes only a few genes to be a father, but to be a good father is much more.

Which bring me to what it means to be a man ...

Perhaps to be a Man means to embrace and excel at the rolls I already mentioned.

I think the difference between being a man and being a great man is his ability to make and keep commitments (or in a religious sense, covenants … which brings us back to the priesthood). On the most basic level, this is what is takes to be true man – know matter who you are, or where you live. I'd like to talk about it in the more general term of commitment today, because it is more inclusive of the wide role that men and fathers play in our lives.

Even though it's painfully obvious to say, 'making' commitments and 'keeping' them are two different things.

The lowest of men either doesn't have enough sense to make commitments – or worse yet, willfully avoids them. A better man prepares himself for future commitments that will build upon his manhood. He also physically puts himself in situations that are conducive to commitment making (accepting the priesthood, going to school, serving a mission, dating, marriage, and having children).

All of these commitments are important to make...but this is only the beginning. With every commitment comes a responsibility to keep them. This is where it becomes HARD – and most rewarding. Waking up everyday, knowing that you're going to serve all those to whom you have a commitment – your wife, children, employer, neighbors, church members...even down to the people who drive along with you on the freeway (you've made a social commitment to keep others safe by not being distracted or aggressive when you drive). This is what God meant when he said 'endure the end' (2 Nephi 31).

[IF]

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!

--Rudyard Kipling

God, however, did not make man to simply work or suffer. Commitments are a means to an end. God's plan for a man is to have joy – and the deepest and most fulfilling joy comes through commitment. Family, love, career, sport, achievement, grades, social fulfillment, talent, all things that make men have joy come through commitment.

I'm so grateful to have had wonderful role models in my life of what it means to be a man. I thank my heavenly father for these wonderful men in my life.

Amen