If I had one wish then it would be ...

Happy Birthday Mom! In the spirit of the Irish Beannacht, or blessing, we each wish you something on your birthday. If it was within our power, you know it would really be yours. In our absence, please accept these birthday wishes and know that our thoughts and hearts are with you!

Elliott wishes for you:

A juicy 32lb turkey dinner with mashed potatoes, stuffing, marshmallow yams and a warm apple pie.

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Sophie wishes Nanny:

A bunch of red and yellow roses and a castle.

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Mason wishes Nanny:

A big giant cookie and a pirate sword.

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Staci wishes for you:

A nice hot bubble bath with a cup of hot cocoa.

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Channing wishes for you:

No more horse meat and warm socks!

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Caden wishes for you:

All the Bribe money you need.

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The Duffy family wishes you:

A Canasta game

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Bryn wishes for you:

A large sized tub of Almond Rocha.

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Isaac wishes you:

A mint chocolate chip ice cream cone

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Sam wishes you:

A warm night down at the cabin.

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Toby wishes for you:

A Star Trek universal translator to pin on so you can understand how to buy more borsch.

A faster Internet connection.

An essential oil to cure all your ails.

An offer from Utah Valley University to save them from imminent destruction (that you would turn down of course because you are retired).

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Trieste wishes you:

A warm sleeping bag in the middle of your Siberian winter.

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Derek wishes you:

A Zillion Dollars

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Libby wishes you:

A pink cake

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Jeremy wishes you:

A remodeled bathroom (hey, you may actually get this one!)

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Nana wishes for you:

"... To have tickets on a very fast airplane to come see all of us for two weeks, visit and then fly back again to continue their time there. Maybe for Thanksgiving! Of course it would need to be without the inconveniences."

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Gabe wishes for you:

A new pillow that is really soft and some sheets.

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Leo wishes for you:

A remote control Speed Racer and a blue light saber.

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Jeff wishes for you:

A night of board game extravaganza until you collapse!

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Lael wishes for you:

A long massage from a muscular Swedish woman named Gretta, head scratch included.

Baking powder.

Focus, clarity and strength in memory when writing.

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May a slow wind of love work these words around you.
Happy B-day Mom!

Three Minute Fiction

Here is my entry for NPR's Three Minute Fiction contest (600 words or less, must start with the line "The nurse left work at five o'clock").

The nurse left work at five o'clock. An hour and fifteen minutes late wasn't bad, considering what the day had been … two vomiters – one whose mother never showed up, a diabetic without insulin, one knocked out tooth, and five … count 'em, five stings from the wasps' nest by the pottery kiln. She'd reported it twice, and it still hadn't been removed. She was sure it was kind of Principal Kirk to keep on the janitor after his illness, but if he couldn't do his job, honestly, he had to go, charitable feelings or not.

She circled her car through the mostly empty parking lot, climbing over the mountainous speed bumps at the pace of death. The principal's car was still there, though not in it's reserved spot. It was instead up the hill next to the art center. She was late, but she was also a natural busy body, as most high school teachers are. She moved up the hill and saw him, still in his suit, gingerly holding a can of spray poison by the tips of his fingers. He clutched some sort of cloth over the front of his clothing, presumably to protect it from the dirty work he was about to perform, but the effect was effeminate, and she felt embarrassed to have seen it. She considered driving away, but he had seen her, and it was too late. She stopped the car and got out.

“The wasps?” she asked. He nodded, inching toward the kiln, spray can poised to kill. He crouched down, inching slowly and extending his arm. The nest was attached to the back of the kiln, and a single wasp emerged and flew toward him. He skittered backwards, lost his balance, and dropped the can and the cloth. She realized, quite suddenly, that she didn't like the man.

“I'm afraid of them,” he said sheepishly. “Always have been, but its got to be done.”

“I'll do it,” she sighed. He might have been about to protest, but the wasp flew past his face, and he began flapping his hands and backing away. She walked purposefully to the poison, stepping over the cloth … she noticed it was a baby's blanket, and wondered where it had come from. She grabbed the can, shook it briskly, and approached the nest. She had to maneuver between the kiln and the wall to get a straight shot, and it was a tight fit. Her jacket caught on a screw. She pushed her body forward to pull it free, but the kiln wasn't as heavy as she imagined it to be. The weight of her body pulled the kiln up on two legs and it came down with a heavy thud, pinning her uncomfortably at the waist.

First she heard a low pulsing hum. She thought the principal was snickering at her with his rumbling baritone, but she couldn't turn to look at him, stuck as she was. Then a strange cold sensation hit her ankles. For one brief moment, she imagined the kiln was leaking something, but in an instant the pain followed the cold. Then she saw them, flying and crawling up her torso, looking for something to sting. Hundreds and wasps came hurdling from below. The hum became a roar, and the pain moved to her arms and neck and face. She opened her mouth to scream, but immediately closed it on several wasps. One stung her tongue.

Bugger, I'm out of cold compresses, she thought.

That was 588 words. I have room for improvement.

In which Lael hasn't posted for a month and needs to catch up.

Part 1 -- Fourth of July in Mt. Pleasant, at the Parade.
Uncle Jeremy cutting open a much desired cold watermelon on the parade route with a hunting knife who knows where it has been but no one seems to care.









Part 2 -- Gilberts take a vacation to Grand Teton NP
View from Jackson Lake ... check out those gorgeous peaks behind us.







We camped here (Colter Bay, permanent tent),








next to some Scottish scouts.








The nearby corral was a big highlight for the kids, especially Benji.







The car breaks down at Old Faithful, ironically. They have a garage. Lucky us.








We stopped in Jackson to see our neighbors and friends the Guevaras, at their booth at the art festival.







... and had our faced painted.








Mom really like this part of the drive.









Part 3 -- Leo Turns Four
It was a bicycle treasure hunt party.








We only invited four friends. Mom is getting smarter.









Part 4 -- The Great Dog Days of Summer




Part 5 -- Lael Buys a Little Plastic Giraffe at DI for $1.50, and Sells It On Ebay for $120
I was actually a little sad to part with the cute guy. But not $120 sad.








Part 6 -- All the other stuff. Mostly laundry. Just so you don't think my life is that exciting all the time.

Sprinkler repairs.








Laundry. Lots and lots of laundry.

Leo remembers the three-year-old preschool lab

Who was your teacher? Teacher Alena
What was she like? She has a ponytail.
What did you learn? I learned songs.
What was your favorite thing to do in school? Play
What was your favorite food to eat for school lunch? At snack I had graham crackers with strawberries on top.
What is your favorite book? Mickey Mouse the Wizard (The Sorcerer's Apprentice)
What are you looking forward to about next year? The playground.

What do you want to be when you grow up? A Jedi
What kind of car will you drive one day? A Jedi Car. Like the Mellenion Falcon.
What do you like to do for fun? Play with my friends.
What are you going to do this summer? Go to the swimming pool and take swimming lessons.

Who are your friends? Asher, Gavin, Mikey
Who is your best friend? Asher
What games do you play together? We play toys, Speed Racer, and we paint at school

Gabe remembers Kindergarten:

Who was your teacher? Mrs. Simmons
What was she like? Nice because she let me do things.
What did you learn? Math and reading
What was your favorite thing to do in school? P.E.
What was your favorite food to eat for school lunch? We only had snack. Cookies and Juice.
What is your favorite book? Mig the Pig
What are you looking forward to about next year? Reading and learning.

What do you want to be when you grow up? A scientist.
What kind of car will you drive one day? A truck.
What do you like to do for fun? Go swimming
What are you going to do this summer? Go to the fun park.

Who are your friends? Gracie, Owen, Kimbal, Seth, Damian, Jesus
Who is your best friend? Kimbal
What games do you play together? Star Wars

Wanna laugh?

Benji has the CUTEST toothy smile. He was flashing it all over the place today. It was making me laugh. He must finally be feeling better. We didn't bring him to church on Sunday because (1) he was vomiting unpredictably on and off this week and (2) we heard rumors that there was swine flu in our congregation. I went to church because I was substituting in Leo's primary class. My favorite part was when the song leader asked all the kids to get out their "pointer" fingers and Katie turned to me and whispered, "I don't have a pointer. I only have wings." flap flap. That made me laugh.

Regarding #2 ... there is no topic that can get people in a lather faster than germs. Me included. Little, invisible things that pass from person to person in ways that we really can't control, and invade our cells, give us weird rashes, cause us pain and make us sick. And mutate. Isn't that a scary word? MUTATE. And the media isn't helping. "Tonight on the SWINE FLU ALERT! Someone between the ages of 3 and 49 died of swine flu somewhere along the Wasatch Front." Thanks, media. YOU'RE FREAKING ME OUT!

My nephew is on a mission in Mexico. They couldn't wear ties because ties carry germs. For two weeks he didn't wear a tie. Maybe we should wear garlic around our necks instead. So I laugh about it because otherwise I would be at the head of the mob shouting witch. It is the only way to stop the germs.

I love funny people. Here are two blogs that make me laugh out loud:

Cake Wrecks
Bad cakes. It is that simple.

The Pioneer Woman
Many of you may have heard of this one. It is so dear, and so funny. And so beautiful. I don't want to live on a ranch. I don't work that hard. But it is fun to do so vicariously.

Sweet Little Benji

That's right. Clean it up kid.

Sweet little Benji ... barfed all over the floor ... at church ... in front of 40 people ... in the line to get root beer floats for Father's Day. Picture me looking down to see what was spilling on my shoe and realizing it was my baby's stomach contents. Picture me plucking up the little critter, handing him to Jeff (happy father's day) and running for paper towels. Picture me in my barf-spattered skirt, kneeling on the floor in front of 40 people who are not so sure they want root beer floats anymore, cleaning up half-digested cheerios with paper towels, trying to explain that it was the curdled milk sippie Benji found and drank in his bed, not the flu.

Fun times. Fun times.

And by the way, you know you are a mom when you can catch a hand full of applesauce barf, go wash your hands, and then go back to the dinner table to finish your steak. It was STEAK after all.

In this photo Benji spilled a milkshake.
But it looks like barf.
I don't take pictures of my kids puking.